gYPSy TALKS
I started chatting in the late 80s way ahead of my real-time friends — I just had to get a computer and go out there in cyberspace. I was there for quite some time before the computer replaced the typewriter in many office desks. I was part of cybercommunities before sites like Friendster and myspace became popular. i was blogging long before they coined the term.
The strong urge to be there even transformed me to some sort of a geek for there was no one who could teach me then, I had to fumble, grope, crash and get back online all on my own. Well, not exactly, some chatmates did teach and help me a lot. Overcoming my aversion to working with machines to actually learn how to make the computer work — that was a feat for me.
Yes, I was a bonafide cyberspace citizen of long standing before some people actually caught me laughing or crying in front of the computer — they thought I had lost my mind.
A few people who knew about my Internet adventures were tolerant — thinking that no one could harm me unless I was fool enough to give my real name and contact information. Be afraid of the living, not of ghosts — I think that was how they thought of it. Those other people online were some sort of ghosts until you allow them entry into your real time where they’re transformed from ghosts to possibly dangerous living creatures.
I didn’t tell most of my real-time friends and any of my family, about my cyber chats and escapades. I knew they’d be afraid I’d run into loonies who would cause me harm — they’d paint wild visions of murderers, stalkers, serial killers and crimes of passion in my head. True, some of these do happen to some people somewhere, but should one let the sheer possibility of an accident confine him at home? i think not.
And so, I wandered out there, freely exploring one thing after another — all the exciting strange roads of cyberspace, taking in all its sights and sounds, sampling its delights. I went anywhere that my curiosity and imagination led me. I was a true gypsy there. different in my real time where I don’t like wandering far away from my loved ones.
In cyberspace, I’ve been a writer and poet, sharing poems i hadn’t the guts to show real time friends. Under the cover of anonymity, I discovered many things about me, found fulfilling outlets for self-expression, came to terms with some aspect of myself or my life that I had difficulty dealing with. In many ways, I can say I gained maturity and wisdom in cyberspace.
Geography and race were indeed a great issue with me, though not because of all the possible risks that come with chatting with strangers who’d be within "killing" distance, but because i really didn’t have any interest in people who so closely resembled people in my real time. Why chat online with a Filipino or another Asian when all my life I’ve been surrounded by them. I’d find them boring miniatures of the real ones.
Instead, in cyberspace, I craved for the unfamiliar and the unknown. People who lived in places I didn’t even know; people who lived lives I could not even imagine; those who had different perspectives and were governed by different laws and influenced by different sets of values. Those who, like me, could be brave about exploring aspects of one’s self or exposing vulnerable parts of one’s being normally hidden in real time.
Yes, there was a proliferation of players back then who were there for the sole perverted pleasure of pulling legs and having fun out of the pain or misery they inflicted upon strangers, simply because they were just strangers anyway. With just a computer in front of them, it was just too easy for them to forget that they’re connecting with another real person behind another computer somewhere.
Back when cyber chats and such were new, you could be sure that those who didn’t have anything to do with their time and their lives raced along with the first adapters to get into the hottest thing ahead of others. The technologies available today for detecting cyber criminals were not available then.
Many people I’ve met in cyberspace are actually nice. Many of the things I’ve learned are not exactly new — you could read about them or even watch them. but it was different getting them first-hand, replete with the thoughts and feelings that color personal accounts.
In cyberspace, I’ve had lengthy in-depth talks with victims of rape, child abuse, incest, etc., and found that I could be a good counselor, if not an entertainer who could provide momentary diversion or relief.
I had found so many people on the other side of our world who are lonely — bereft of the blessings of a close-knit family and circle of friends that we often just take for granted. Yet, when things become too heavy for me or if something doesn’t quite suit my mood and disposition, there’s the comfort of being able to sign off or move somewhere else. In real time you bear such things with a grin.
But most of my interactions have been with talented people — singers, writers including published authors, artists, painters, computer experts, scientists, researchers, medical practitioners, lawyers, etc. They were often learning, if not interesting and fun encounters.
Some cyber friends have become so close they probably know me better than many real time friends. Out there you could interact mind to mind, heart to heart, soul to soul - un-influenced by physical attributes, social positions and the need to maintain a certain image.
Even now when my "ghost" Internet sweetheart has come to life, I still do these cyber treks. Now and then I engage in fun role playing games — assuming characters who cannot be me in this lifetime. Really, I’ve lived so many different lives in Cyberspace and it’s a great feeling being able to do this. I imagine the feeling is quite similar to the feeling that an actor gets when he lands various challenging and interesting parts and effectively performs them.
Strange how going deeper into cyberspace brings you closer to what you are instead of just who you are. Strange that the farther you go, the more you blur the lines between real time and cyberspace. I stress real time, as opposed to real life — for the being that goes out there is as real as the one who remains. Real, but different.
Cyberspace is truly a playground for the imagination, a beautiful and rich stage all pimped up for glorious performances, an interesting landscape for a gypsy like me, and sometimes a sweet or refreshing refuge.
I turned on the computer for the first time in the 80s, and since then I haven’t really turned it off yet. Life has simply kept me logged on.
